Contest Fest, Bunni Style

So, this lusty lady is running a contest wherein we are supposed to come up with faux inspirational sayings to go on a Starbucks coffee cup.  (ehem.  I am on ‘mouse’s team.  We shall have no snide comments.  Did you read the cat post?  Okay then.)  Since I actually never drink any coffee whatsoever, I am not at all familiar with the format we are supposed to be parodying.  Further, I suck at being funny online.  Those of you who have not had the (unmitigated! profound!) pleasure of meeting me irl might not believe this, but I am actually hilarious.  People laugh at me all the time.

But I digress.  Point being, I’m going to give you a short sweet slogan of my very own making full of righteous indignation, because that's what I know how to do.  Ready?

Live more. Drive less.

That’s right, people, a pretentious bikie slogan.  Can you see the T Shirts?  Now, think of it on coffee cups.  It looks good, doesn't it?  Oh, but it gets better, I am going to follow up with an explanation of why I think riding your bike and not driving is such a good idea.  Because we all love to be lectured in the blogosphere, don’t we?

Thing is, I really love to drive, I do.  I love, especially, to take long car trips somewhere I’ve never been before, preferably with only a vague idea for a destination, passing through a whole lot of nothing of the way, getting lost then found again, pondering, singing, drowning my troubles in the landscape.  It makes my heart swell.  Sometimes, my eyes get all misty with patriotism.  Despite all the ways we have failed our own ideals, we live in a beautiful nation, my fellow Americans.

However, listen closely here people, I ride my bike for nearly all of my daily transportation: to work, to the grocery store, etc.  I have panniers (little baskets in the back) for my crap and a light for when it gets dark.  That’s all anyone needs.   

Here are everybody else’s two good reasons to ride your bike for transport: 
*Reduce pollution/ our dependance on foreign oil/ general petroleum badness.
*Make your ass cuter/ increase cardio health/ various other health goals.
Self explanatory, yes?

Now, here are my two good reasons:
*It is very satisfying to feel morally superior.  (see first of everybody else’s reasons above) 
*Riding a bike is so damn fun.

This last is the secret best reason.  Cars are bubbles, they kill community.  Unlike when you ride a bike, while driving, you can’t stop and talk to your neighbor or any other conversation worthy person you pass on the street.  But when you ride a bike, you are out where the action is.  Cars are lonely and boring.

Further, you are oblivious to the weather in a car, at best a spectator, but on a bike, you participate, you gets the essence of the seasons deep with in your marrow.  Drivers just have no idea the spectrum of meteorological beauty that is out there.  On that note: the rain will not kill you unless it freezes when it hit the ground, in which case you shouldn’t be driving, either.  Bring a change of clothes for when you get there.  It will fit in your panniers.

In conclusion:
Live more, drive less.
Because when you ride your bike to get places, it makes your life more lively.  (And your ass nicer, it’s true.)

Comments

[Keith]

I'm thinking you should have went with a very simple:

For A Nicer Ass

[Jean-Luc Picard]

That all seems so logical (!)

Here via Michele.

[tommy]

Well here's to a nicer ass.

Michele sent me.

[Kimberly]

Brava, merc! There's nothing quite like feeling morally superior to get one out of bed in the morning. My bike would get a lot more use if I didn't live at the top of a steep hill... I'm afraid I'd die before my ass got any better.

[Purple Elephant]

Thank you for the tips over at my blog. I will certainly be following them. Great post by the way; moral superiority is the best feeling in the world.

['mouse]

I'm so glad you're on my team. Think of it as saving a horse.

And when are we going to see a picture of said cute ass? You know, the promise (probably false) of boobies at Bakerina's keeps up the loyal male readership.

(thunk - thunk) Oh, wait. Is this thing on? Ooops.

[mcb]

helps to read carefully ... 'Live More, Die Less' seemed far too straightforward.

:) oops

[Edgar]

You couldn't use that slogan in Miami. Riding a bike is probably the most dangerous pastime. We have some of the craziest drivers in the nation. Just look at our insurance rates if you don't believe me.